Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize