To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
