we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
