if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize