If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
