yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize