I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
