Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
