i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
