Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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