I feel like I'm in dance class right now
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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