The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
