The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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