What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
