dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
