Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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