saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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