so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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