He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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