my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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