he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
