the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The ass gains better be worth it
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