im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
