Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
