I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
