Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
