im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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