It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
