he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
