Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
