She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize