yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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