i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
