i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
