he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
