They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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