guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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