i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
