I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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