her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
