Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
