I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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