If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
