I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
