I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wear drunk well.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
