am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
organizing the empties. That sober.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
