Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
