Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
