you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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