Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
