No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I didn't notice because vodka
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
