the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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