I need help removing her.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
