life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
