im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
