I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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