He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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