Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
