what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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