I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
jump out the window naked night went bad
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