I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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