how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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