You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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