I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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