Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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