I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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