I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
