Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
