naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
