you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
