she sounds like chewbacca in bed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
