when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
